Aiden wakes up slowly, the fog in his brain inhibiting him from opening his eyes completely. There’s sun shining in through his window, forcing him to blink multiple times before keeping his eyes open. His mouth is acrid, dry, and stale. He can smell cigarettes from last night lingering on his breath. He smells of scotch and loneliness. He wonders if anyone else can smell the repugnant aroma of selfishness and early mornings spent alone with empty bottles, wafting from him.
Rising from his soiled sheets, he decides not to change his dingy, once white underwear, and throws on a pair of jeans that have been his only source of pants for quite some time now. He searches for a shirt, but it takes too much concentration, and decides against it. He looks down at his sunken, yet protruding belly riding atop his pants. His skinny, lanky frame has been awarded the difficult task of carrying his ever growing beer gut. If his frame could talk to him, he’s sure it would say fuck you. He is in his mid-30s and instead of being at the peak of success like he planned he is wallowing around in his self-pity.
He goes to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to find nothing besides beer and moldy bread. He opens a can. The refreshing pop that follows from the opening of the tab constitutes as his shower for the day. He wonders what demons he’ll have to face today, and quickly downs his beer in hopes of drowning them before they can set in. He grabs a second beer from the foul fridge and steps outside of his suburban home.
There are kids across the street playing with a decrepit can. It rattles along the ground as their tiny feet find contact with it. Down the street is an elderly lady pinning out sheets on her clothesline. It sags as she weighs it down with drenched bed linens. He remembers how when he was younger there was an man around his age that always smelled of cheap liquor and walked around with mean veneer, and then he pondered on whether he turned into that bitter old man that no one ever wanted to approach. He decided against it.
He picks of the newspaper and suddenly Penny Brooke’s voice flows through the air of his house. He turns the radio off and sits on his couch, where he has spent every day for the past three weeks. He knows there’s nothing here for him, yet he cannot bring himself to leave. He imagines her walking up to their door step, and laying her bags down on the stoop before she gently knocks on their door. He imagines her returning, realizing her mistake in leaving him, realizing that he is worth loving after all.
Her words coursed through Aidan’s mind like a film loop. “I am the best thing that’s ever happened to you!” His memory immediately sought out the records of events from 16 years ago. Aidan only had eyes for her. They were both only seventeen at the time but Aidan felt as though she meant the whole world to him in that moment.
Fast forward to three months later and Aidan had gone from ripped jeans to polished pant suits. His hair was no longer spikey and even his face to some extent changed just to appease her. Meanwhile through all his effort she was telling him that she had found somebody knew. She fed him the usually drivel about how she never meant to hurt him, how she wishes things could be different but ultimately, how she’d found somebody new. Aidan still felt it twinge in his ribcage.
But after a bout with her partner she began to call him more often, and invite him to events. Once he attended an art gallery and he stared deep into her light golden eyes, trying to read her, as if he knew she had some hidden agenda. He couldn’t find anything; she was too difficult to read. He’d have to get her to talk.
“Why now?”
“What do you mean?” she asked back, acting all innocent. Aidan knew better than to fall for that again.
“After all this time, why choose now to get back together?”
“I’m done fooling around. I had something good with you and I threw it away for something that wasn’t any good. I just want to be with you again.”
Aidan’s eyes narrowed when she finished. He still knew there was more to this than she was letting on.
“What do you want from me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on Penny, I changed completely for you last time. What do you want this time?” Aidan responded as expressionless as he could. He wasn’t a serious man by nature and he couldn’t exactly act it well either, but he did his best.
“Well… I know it’s a big thing to ask but… would you quit the band? Just for me.” She gave it her best pout and puppy-dog eyes, both framed by her chestnut hair. Aidan glared back. This was unbelievable. Music was all he knew. The band was just starting to get recognized and now she was asking him to quit. There was nothing more important to Aidan than his family and the band but then he thought back to all their moments and felt that she towered over all of the things he loved.
“Allright, but at least let me play this one song for the event.” She shook her head angrily and refused to let him. But he convinced her that after tonight all of it was going to be over. He continued to sing and strum his guitar as he spoke the lyrics that were dedicated to her. Her solemn features soon brightened up. After that night he knew just her existence made me feel whole.
Many late nights cuddling, and watching her try on clothes were ways to make him feel unregretful of leaving it all behind. Even the smallest things like the way she would tippy toe to reach things at high lengths made him feels lucky to be alive. But gradually things he found cute like the rolling of her eyes, or cute whining voice and her smack in the backs made him want to escape. One day she cornered him in their bedroom as he tried to secretly make a song. She was furious of his negligence to quit music that she started to question him.
“When do you plan on graduating? Wasn’t last year your last year?”
“Just give me some time,” and he walked passed her into the hallway.
“Don’t ignore me. I didn’t commit myself to a failure.”
“Maybe if I didn’t quit the band I wouldn’t even have to be in school.”
“No. You were going to be playing in the streets. Because of me, you are on your last year of medical school. I am the best thing that’s ever happened to you!” He tried to calm myself by sitting back down. What was the point of having a guitar if one isn’t even going to play it? If one refuses to strum it, and get to know it well then how can one call themselves a musician; a rock star. How could you one consider this a relationship? He was the guitar and she played him whenever she needed him most. He built up some courage through the adrenaline she shot into him and came to the conclusion that she was neglecting his potential.
“Fuck off, bitch!” he yelled.
Penny proceeds to the door and slammed it on her way outside and took her months to come back. “Why are you here?” Aiden asked. A man wearing a black Armani suit, contrasted nicely with a white shirt and a light blue tie, neatly parted hair. A glitzy Rolex on the wrist, shoes so neatly polished that one could almost see their reflection in them. The elegant yet bold sunglasses almost manage to hide the blue eyes that have so many stories buried deep in them, walks in to his living room.
“I wanted you to meet someone. He is a part of a multibillion dollar company headquarters in New York City.” Outside his window he spotted his luxurious yet fast black Maserati GT and his heart sunk because of his anxiety for answers. The man began to talk and money, the power, most of all that intellect really shone through his words.
“Are you here to get back with me? I promise I’ll change.”
“I knew we shouldn’t have come” said the stranger.
“I know things ended badly but…” she handed him a letter and walked out of the house.
In truth, he knows he’s a broken old man. He left his dreams behind, left himself behind, and in turn, left her behind. He deserves nothing besides the loneliness that comes from six packs and cheap bottles of scotch. But he can’t stop himself from seeing her pink dress getting caught on the tree in their driveway, as she walked out of his life and into a strange car with a strange man. He starts to read the newspaper article and sees her with the strange man and a smile that he thought only he had ever given to her. He knows there’s nothing here for him, but he cannot bring himself to leave the house which houses all their memories. Its walls know all the love he’s ever known, and he will stay until they give it back.
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